A means to an extremely negative end…

SO… to begin this lengthy blog post of me brain dumping a lot of things, let’s get the introductions out-of-the-way.

Hi, I’m Courtney – maybe that’s slightly informal but that’s how we’re beginning. For the past 18 years of my life, I grew up on an incredible island (The Isle of Man) which I am so appreciative of. I lived your average life as an 18-year-old. Studied for my A levels, worked a part-time job, went out with my friends on the weekends, spent a LOT of time walking my dog, Orry, (you’ll 100% get to know him better), spending time with my family and just living the life I was so used to, the life that had been engrained in my brain functioning for as long as I could remember.

But then, everything changed.

I smashed my A-level results, graduated high school and was looking forward to all the changes that my life was going to face in the upcoming months. I’m now a 19-year-old university student reading Wildlife Conservation for the next 3/4 years at the University of Kent, Canterbury. I still do the same things – I have a part-time job, I study for my degree, I go out with my friends (more regularly than my liver can probably handle), I read a LOT in my spare time, binge watch Netflix series (currently watching prison break for like the 500th time), go to the gym, shop, eat and cook food – just every mediocre activity that is expectant of a typical female 19 year old university student.

By this point, it’s not very clear where I’m going with this, but the background and the past is important to accept when trying to make sense of my current journey – which fyi, I’m not even really sure I understand but lets give it a shot.

I recently found myself in a place I’d never been before. Everything was up in the air. All the changes I had encountered brought about a change in myself I had never quite experienced before. I really struggled with the adaptation to university. In all honesty, I wasn’t sure I was going to stick it out. I missed home, I missed my previous life, I missed everything about what I had known for the last 18 years and I wasn’t prepared to leave all that behind. By Christmas, I still felt the same about the whole situation. I wasn’t sure if the decisions I had made were right for me or the relationships I had strongly embedded in my life and all the people I was leaving behind at home and at university – I just was so unclear of where I belonged and felt like an outsider looking in onto everyone’s life.

On return to University after Christmas, I still felt all these struggles but I had things to look forward to – I’ve always had a plan. I had it planned out that I would only have to conquer 5 weeks at university till I could come home for a week, then I had visitors coming over to university, then it was only 6 weeks till I was coming home and everything would go back to how it used to be, back in my old habits.

And because I was so set on this plan, I was so lost. When things weren’t going right I was  worrying about how I could fix everything, worrying about how nothing was working out how I had expected it to, worrying about how I wasn’t sure whether I was coming or going and quite frankly, I was a hot mess and everyday was another episode in the life of ‘how to screw up your life in 20 seconds: a look into the daily life of Courtney Corrie’.

It was only when I realised, I was pushing everyone to the edge, I was loosing all the people I never dreamt I would lose, inclusive of myself, that in all honesty, I was a negative person, attracting negative vibes, encouraging negative situations and summoning negative people.

So the sum this all up: I saw the need for change. The need for a journey of positivity, the need for self-love, the need to re-wire my computer and the need to wipe the slate clean and the need the find joy in my life to share with others.

Now, I’m a firm believer in self-help and be the change you want to see in the World and all those cringe sayings you have all heard from your mum’s best friend or on trash American TV shows, but I’m also very stubborn – so the admittance that I needed to change to salvage what was left was a HUGE step for me.

To conclude this introduction, I’ve decided to start this blog. Not just to express my feelings and get things off my chest or to track my progress but to encourage others to follow my movement. I felt so alone for so long and compared myself to everyone around me as surely everyone is in the same boat, right? but at the same time, I was not prepared to live my life this way, or let others live their lives through me when I was feeling this negative way about every single thing.

So I want to start a revolution. Even if this helps no one but myself, I want this to be my platform. My platform of growth and progress and ambition and encouragement to see positives before negatives, to accept that everyone makes mistakes and to learn that things come and go and there is no need for a plan.

All my love,

Courtney.

The Wellbeing Revolution – written for those who wish to live a life full of happiness, mindfulness, self-love, confidence, fulfilment, meaning and the courage to accept yourself.

 

 

 

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